At This End!
Following my nine months of service in Hawaii (in Revolution Hawaii), and following my summer as a Wilderness Counselor, in Boring, Oregon, at Camp Kuratli: following all that came the WYI (Western Youth Institute), brought to you by The Salvation Army, which is a week-long Bible retreat for their young adults all across this western coast of the United States (within their 'western territory'). For the last seven months, I was planning to relocate to Long Beach, California, because I was given that opportunity, but I slowly--over time--I disqualified myself from that. This past week, at WYI, was emotional because my heart was breaking from all of these mistakes. And then my mother came over a day too soon. Last Thursday night, August 14, 2008, Bill (my mother's boyfriend) arrived to WYI inside a van, where I was, at the Camp Arnold campus, and we booked it over to Seaside for our family reunion/funeral for my favorite uncle.
I should of said goodbye!
I did not say bye because we left a day early (Thursday night), because I was upset, because I hate saying goodbye, because I was confused, because it all happened so quickly, because I thought nobody really cared too much, because of too many reasons, I say, for these are my excuses and not reasons for not saying goodbye, but I should of said goodbye to everybody, including Rob Noland, who is the director to Revolution Hawaii, and who is a loyal friend to me.
At The End!
This is me at the end!
This is the end of burning bridges, of merely receiving from others. I need to give back. I mean, I feel that I am at the end of things. I mean, I feel like I burnt down to many bridges, I dig too many holes, ruined to many friendships or relationships with others. I mean, I feel that have ruined my life in many aspects. I feel that people cannot take me serious, see me reliable, balance, consistent, or strong. I am tired of letting people down. I am seeking a new beginning. I reached the end of anything that you do not like about me. Ok, so I might not fix myself overnight. But you can help me. You can let me know how I can improve. I am being serious at this point. If you are reading this then know that I am asking for your input.
What do I do best?
What do I do least?
How can I do better?
How can I improve?
What do you like?
How can you help me help myself?
Please let me know what you think.
You do not have to know me to input your concern. I need your help. I mean, I am just a little sad. Oh wait, I am actually quite concern. I feel like I am in a big hole right now. I am there for so many reasons. I should stop crying about how I got into this hole. I want to cry about how I fell into this hole. But I need to get out and back. And this is what I am saying. I am on the quest of Independence, of revolution, of interdependence.
I cannot stay at Mom's
I cannot live at either of my siblings.
I still have more options. I am still looking.
But I do not plan to fail at this pursuit for destiny.
This story is not over yet!
I should of said goodbye!
I did not say bye because we left a day early (Thursday night), because I was upset, because I hate saying goodbye, because I was confused, because it all happened so quickly, because I thought nobody really cared too much, because of too many reasons, I say, for these are my excuses and not reasons for not saying goodbye, but I should of said goodbye to everybody, including Rob Noland, who is the director to Revolution Hawaii, and who is a loyal friend to me.
At The End!
This is me at the end!
This is the end of burning bridges, of merely receiving from others. I need to give back. I mean, I feel that I am at the end of things. I mean, I feel like I burnt down to many bridges, I dig too many holes, ruined to many friendships or relationships with others. I mean, I feel that have ruined my life in many aspects. I feel that people cannot take me serious, see me reliable, balance, consistent, or strong. I am tired of letting people down. I am seeking a new beginning. I reached the end of anything that you do not like about me. Ok, so I might not fix myself overnight. But you can help me. You can let me know how I can improve. I am being serious at this point. If you are reading this then know that I am asking for your input.
What do I do best?
What do I do least?
How can I do better?
How can I improve?
What do you like?
How can you help me help myself?
Please let me know what you think.
You do not have to know me to input your concern. I need your help. I mean, I am just a little sad. Oh wait, I am actually quite concern. I feel like I am in a big hole right now. I am there for so many reasons. I should stop crying about how I got into this hole. I want to cry about how I fell into this hole. But I need to get out and back. And this is what I am saying. I am on the quest of Independence, of revolution, of interdependence.
I cannot stay at Mom's
I cannot live at either of my siblings.
I still have more options. I am still looking.
But I do not plan to fail at this pursuit for destiny.
This story is not over yet!
Financially
I do not need you. Get away from me. I do not need your money. Your prayer. Your support. Your letters. Your time. Your love. Whatever. I hate asking for help. But for some odd reason, I will ask you for help. I need help. But I hate to tell you that. But still, I would like to tell you about my current financial situation, as follows (read “Currently”). I will not share anything too personal, so do not worry. Read “Support” (above), if you would like to support me (financially), if you would like to help me help others. Moreover, pray for me.
Currently
Better!
But still in need of over $500, if you include my way to camp.
I mean, I need to buy a ticket to fly back to the camp in oregon.
That might be impossible to do.
But pray for me for that.
But I still need support for Revolution Hawaii (my current mission work).
I need the remaining financial support: say prior to May 21, 2008. The total cost for this school-year, for this program, is set at $15,000 per student. It is sweet that The Salvation Army offered, each one of us, an $11,000 grant to help support each one of us(since we are missionaries in training and ‘financially-challenged:’ we arrived here in September of 2007). This leaves us (each one of us who are in this program) with the task of raising the remaining $4,000. They have had us send support letters to people we know, to ask for support. Thank you for those who have contributed, for those who have helped (and for those who support us via prayer). I have raised several hundred dollars. But I am still in need of several more hundred dollars.
This summer, I plan to be a counselor at a camp inOregon
And this does not include my college debt.
But that is another story.
Well, actually, I only have a small school debt, a unsubsidized Stafford loan of $3,500 that I need to start paying off, in November of 2008. But I plan to work with youth, then. In other words, I hate asking for help. I always want to do things on my own. It is only by the grace of destiny that I am sharing my financial situation with anybody else. I plan to get back on my feet, again. Then I will not have to tell you that I need money. There are so many things that I want to do in life. I will probably have to tell you about my plans. I want to write books. Craft out art. Engineer movies. Wrestle with invention promotion. And the list goes on. But everything costs money. Feel free to support me. Because I am in the business of helping others, for the rest of my life. But remember that I am way too prideful to ask for help. I am too selfish to even want to help others, anyways. But you can pray that God changes my heart. And I will keep you posted with how I am doing financially. I should also let you know how I am doing like spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally, too!
Ok, thank you and good luck.
You can go and help others, too. If a selfish monster (like me) can make a difference then an angel like you can only do slightly better!
Sweet!
No comments:
Post a Comment