I Do Not Hate Andy

 I do not hate Andy. I do not hate Vietnamese people. I mostly hate myself. I make mistakes all of the time. I didn't call Andy until I was ready to call him. I was in an uncertain transition in my life. I wanted to tell Andy only good news. I did not tell Andy anything because I did not have anything definite going for me.

Andy saved my life. I am not saying that he did not. But I felt like a loser when I lived at Papa Foods because I was not finding a job. I started living at Papa Foods in Bac Ninh on a Tuesday, the 4th of December of 2012. I was emailing schools. I was trying to find a new teaching job. I was there for 2 months but I was not able to find a job. I felt like there was something wrong with me. 

For those 2 months, my life was the same old everyday. If you were to ask me how I was doing each day during those 2 months, I would say, "You know, the same old." Eventually, you may get tired of asking because you know I am going to say the same old boring story. So, I do not like giving people updates on my life when I am not going anywhere in my life. I do not like small talk. I do not like saying the same things over and over.

Around the 17th of January, 2013, I ran off to Hanoi looking for work. Stayed in a room with two Vietnamese brothers who enjoyed learning more English from me everyday. Their friends would come over to learn English from me. We sang karaoke and we had a bunch of fun. For around 5 days from the 31st of January 2013 until Monday, the 4th of February, I was teaching English in the Hòa Bình providence at the Muong Museum (http://muongvill.com/about) until the owner said that I was a terrible Englisher teacher, tutor, and speaker. After that, I was at a friend's house for the New Years Tet Holiday in another city. I was told that I would stay at my friend's house until Tet was over, but then I was told to leave prematurely on a Saturday, the 9th of February, 2013. It took 4 or so hours to get back to Hanoi on the bus. 

I was walking around with a heavy suitcase and backpack for a few hours in Hanoi but the hotels were closing due to the Tet holiday. I was not sure if there would be a bus that could take me back to Bac Ninh.

I did not want to go to Papa Foods and tell them that I failed at finding a job. I found a hotel for 400.000 VND that night. I was thinking about going to Bac Ninh to get my 2nd suitcase but I was not sure if Papa Foods would be open, if they would be there, if the buses would take me there during the Tet holiday. 

My visa was about to expire on Friday, the 22nd of February of 2013. I did not want Andy to feel nervous with me back at his restaurant, Papa Foods. He could get in trouble by the police if I was living at Papa Foods after my visa expired. I wanted to find a job and then extend my visa or get a new visa or something. I was running out of money. I did not want people to think that I was just a big failure at finding a job, because I left Papa Foods and was gone for 3 or so weeks. You would think that I would have found a job by then. And my visa was about to expire. I ended up flying to Saigon on Sunday, the 10th of February of 2013. I did not think I had enough time to grab my 2nd suitcase in Bac Ninh. Plus, others may have told me to just go without my 2nd suitcase, and I may have taken the wrong advice.

The good news now is that I do work now in Saigon. I have 2 jobs in teaching English at schools. The bad news is that I left my 2nd suitcase in Bac Ninh. That is totally my fault. This story is about how I made wrong decisions too quickly, even through I tend to over-think everything anyways, so it is kind of hard to imagined that I could ever rush into making premature quick decisions in life, but I am not perfect and I make mistakes. I do get mad at myself all of the time for things that I do. I ask myself how could I do this thing or that thing all of the time.